You’ve done the market research and know your white paper’s subject matter is compelling and leading edge. So what’s gone wrong?

It could be your headline.

Beware – and Be Aware of – the 8-Second Test

Recent research suggests that it takes just 8 seconds for a reader to decide to keep reading. (Some sources say 3 to 5 seconds – yikes!) The headline is the equivalent of a first impression at a job interview – and we know how important that is.

So … does your headline do enough to reel them in?

8 Proven Headline Categories That Work

What’s great about copywriting is that some established “headline categories” exist that have been successful over the decades. Bob Bly, a master copywriter, defines eight categories:

Here’s my headline formula:

Subject Matter + Headline Categories + Brainstorming
= Headlines That Draw Your Readers In!

I’ll show you how it works in the next section …

Headline Makeovers: Before and After

For our “Before” sample, I’m using a headline from a personal trainer’s one-page flyer at my gym:

“What Is Your Goal?”

The headline is too vague and, quite honestly, forces the reader to think too much.

Good thing we have our headline categories to work with! For each headline category, I’ve written one headline:

I hope headlines now seem less daunting. In fact, I bet if you sit down with some of your promotional material and experiment with these headline categories, you’ll end up with a surprising number of headlines to test. (That’s the fun part … finding out which ones work the best!)

But now more than ever you need to rethink your approach to writing communication. In a single day, your readers have to process hundreds of “Read Me!” messages in email, on billboards – even on bathroom stalls! If you write by default with common phrases and clichés, your reader won’t read your message – or won’t remember reading your message.

Steps to Get Out of Your Writing Rut

1.    Before you start, pick your ideal client or decision-maker. Be specific, such as “CIO of a $20 million food manufacturing company” or “Office manager of a 10 – 15 person dental office.”

2.    Write just to that person. Consider this while you’re writing: What is their goal/problem/desire? How would they most likely express it?

3.    Set the project aside for at least one day.

4.    Review what you’ve written, replacing what’s old and tired with something that captures the intent in a new and fresh way.

Example #1

“Easily and affordably” is not only vague, but also a common descriptive phrase. In this example, I quantified the benefit with an actual time to build, “just 30 minutes” (which I made up, but you shouldn’t).

Since this software product is targeted to the do-it-yourself website builder, I tapped into their fear of over-paying for services by mentioning “an expensive web designer.”

Example #2

I used “10% – 35%” from a genuine testimonial on the same website where I found the “Before” example. Your clients are the best resource for writing marketing material.

Notice the action verbs “automate” and “streamline” in the second sentence to support the benefit in the previous sentence.

Marketing writing can seem like a shot in the dark, but if you take the time to get familiar with your clients, how they think, and even how they write (testimonials, forum postings, etc.), you’ll find it’s much easier to surprise them with fresh, original writing.

Like bulleted lists, tables work well for listing information, in particular information that requires additional description. For example, I just wrote a one-page product flyer for a software application that included a features/benefits table. This worked because I could link the benefits to each feature, like this:

If you don’t use a table, no clear relationship exists between the feature and the benefit. Yet time after time I see website and promotional material that use this approach:

FEATURES:

• Activity and Task Scheduling
• Alerts and Notifications
• Ticket Assignment by Group
• Customer Email Notifications

BENEFITS:

• Incoming issues can be assigned to service reps for immediate attention
• Auto-populated fields based on customer profiles increase productivity
• Specific rules can be set to ensure standard steps
• For convenience, tickets can be created and submitted internally

For the sake of brevity, I listed just four features and benefits from this real-life example. But the original list was much longer, with no clear link between the two sets of information. If you do this, readers have to work harder to determine if the features provide the benefits they need.

Tables can work in almost any type of marketing collateral. I’ve also used them in white papers and case studies. Experiment with different organization and headings to find the most space-efficient and effective table.

The next time you find yourself struggling to organize a mess of information, take a step back, and see if it’ll work in a table.

I hope you’ve found this topic on tables surprisingly fascinating. If you struggle with a marketing writing problem, give me a call. I’m happy to offer suggestions.

One of the biggest mistakes I see in testimonials is using them “as is.” Let’s face it, not everyone communicates well in writing, and their initial testimonial may be too long, awkwardly written, or contain typos. As long as you’re not changing the meaning of the testimonial, don’t be nervous about cleaning it up. A testimonial is just like any other type of marketing copy; if you’re going to use it on your website or brochure, it had better be fabulous!

The best testimonials are:

• Specific rather than general
• Short rather than long
• Unsolicited rather than solicited

Specific Rather Than General

A testimonial that emphasizes benefits a prospect can relate to is more rewarding to read than a testimonial that drones on and on about how “great” and “helpful” a product or service is.

Short Rather Than Long

Be considerate of a reader’s time (and attention span). If you can’t bring yourself to edit down a testimonial that’s several paragraphs long, develop it into a case study instead.

Unsolicited Rather Than Solicited

My reasoning for this is that solicited testimonials have an awkward, self-conscious tone. They also tend to be written in second person point-of-view, when in fact it’s easier for the reader to relate to third person point-of-view.

Solicited testimonials aren’t unusable – they just need to be cleaned up as shown in the before/after example above. In fact, one of my clients solicited testimonials by sending out an email questionnaire to his clients. I then edited the responses into succinct testimonials.

Thanks for subscribing to my newsletter. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and learned something new. If you have any ideas for future newsletters, please let me know. I’d love to provide you with information that helps make your marketing writing easier.

Thankfully, in most marketing writing, you can loosen up and write in a conversational tone.

Let’s Get One Thing Clear …

Writing conversationally isn’t like how you talk. You’ll leave out all the verbal pauses that drag down a real-life conversation (the “ahhhs” and “uhhhs”), not to mention sentences that trail … now where was I?

As copywriter Robert Warren says, “[Writing conversationally] is new-and-improved natural speech, polished to a shine and missing all the embarrassing parts.”

A Few Tips for a Conversational Tone

Tip #1 — Don’t ignore basic grammar rules.

Ignoring grammar rules like punctuation and capitalization just makes comprehension difficult. However, I do regularly break two rules:

• Starting a sentence with a conjunction (like “and” or “but”). And you know what? No one’s complained yet.
• Writing fragment sentences. Like this. Why? Because it works. (Just don’t overuse it.)

A grammar rule that actually encourages a relaxed “voice” is contractions. Instead of “How is that for a benefit?” try “How’s that for a benefit?”

Tip #2 — Know your market and industry.

Some industries are more accepting of a conversational tone. But even if you’re writing for attorneys, you can still strive for clear, simple language.

I’ve noticed that in general, business-to-consumer marketing copy can be looser than business-to-business marketing copy.

Tip #3 – The “Barstool Test”

An AWAI* copywriting course teaches that your writing should sound like you’re sitting on a barstool, talking with a friend – not lecturing her. (Conversations with friends on barstools after you’ve excessively imbibed should not be used as a yardstick!)

*AWAI is the American Writers and Artists Institute.

Let’s Rewrite Something Stuffy

I hope you found this helpful … and interesting. If so, please send it on to one friend or colleague who you think would enjoy it.

Put yourself in your reader’s shoes. Which case story would you be more likely to read based on these introductions?

Even for those of us that claim to not like fiction, the “After” version is more appealing because it’s about a person. And most of us (Dare I say all?) have more in common with another person than with a software application, hardware server, or corporation.

Excuses, Excuses …

I don’t have room here to refute all the reasons why a company might not want to start out a marketing piece with a story, but let me quickly mention two:

“The subject won’t be comfortable with us mentioning their name.”

So don’t use real names; instead, change the details. As a stickler for the truth, this first made me uncomfortable. But writing marketing copy isn’t on the same level as journalistic reporting. As long as you’re not lying about the facts (“John Smith saw a 110% increase in productivity.”), changing names and minor details hurts no one.

“It’s not the right approach for this piece.”

I agree that not every type of marketing collateral can benefit by starting with a story. But then again, are you making this decision based on what “everyone else” in your industry is doing (i.e., what’s traditional) or based on an honest, thorough evaluation of what will appeal to your prospect/client?

Put the Story on Your Project To Do List

When you’re trying to organize and write a marketing piece, finding a story that you can use is probably the last thing on your mind. But I encourage you to add it to the project To Do list. Not only will your prospects and clients be more likely to read it, you’ll enjoy writing it more.

I hope you enjoyed reading this issue! If you know someone who would also enjoy it, please forward it to them.

Although it’s traditional for me to have Before/After samples in each issue, I’m going to deviate from that with Before/After scenarios:

Scenario #1: Before Receiving Mary’s Tips for Typo-Free Text

Scenario #2: After Receiving Mary’s Tips for Typo-Free Text

Mary’s Tips for Typo-Free Text

It’s not always possible to do all of these tips every time you send a document out into the world, but for each one you do, the chances of a mistake or typos slipping through are reduced:

Tip #1

Give the document to a friend, co-worker, or spouse to proofread. In fact, the more the merrier; you’ll be surprised how different people catch different things.

Tip #2

Let the draft sit for at least 24 hours before you proofread it yourself.

Tip #3

Instead of reading from the first sentence to the last, read the document backwards from the last sentence to the first.

Tip #4

As you proofread, touch the tip of the pen to each word. This slows down your eyes and prevents you from skipping over mistakes.

Tip #5

If you use Microsoft® Word, turn on the “Check spelling as you type” and “Check grammar as you type” options (Tools | Options | Spelling & Grammar tab). When these options are on, Word underlines spelling errors in red and grammatical problems in green.

Tip #6

Maintain a checklist of problematic words (for example: to/too, they’re/their, it’s/its). Use the Search feature to find each item on your list and verify you’ve used the correct word.

Tip #7

Read the document aloud to yourself.

I hope you’ll find this helpful the next time you need to write and distribute something, whether it’s a marketing plan or your 2007 family Christmas letter.

Maybe you’ve struggled with this before: How to decide if you should rewrite your marketing copy or start over completely from scratch.

Four Points to Consider

• If you’re pressed for time, it may seem faster to rewrite the existing copy. But because you’re working within the confines of that copy, it can actually take more time. Plus, in rewriting, you’re limited to expressing only what is already there.

• It makes no sense to start over just for the sake of starting over. If you’re mostly happy with what you have, a few tweaks here and there may be all you need to update your marketing copy.

• If your company has evolved and your marketing message no longer reflects the company you are, the services you provide, or the products you sell – start over from scratch.

• Don’t forget about your users. Balance their need for familiarity (for example, Web site navigation or product descriptions of similar items) versus your need to entice them with fresh, new copy.

So that you can see the difference between a rewrite and completely new copy, I’ve provided a “Before” sample that I used in the August 2006 issue. I’ve also included the original “After” example, which is a rewrite, as well as another “After” example that’s written from scratch.

Actually, this word isn’t as bad as most – at least it’s an action word, a shortcut for saying you’re using your current investment in or knowledge of something to gain more power. Even better, it’s a word that most business people understand.

The problem with using business jargon is that it can be vague – sneakily vague because you don’t realize it. Take the word “user-friendly,” for example. What does user-friendly mean to Microsoft? To Apple Computers? To you? While one person may define “user-friendly” as screens with pretty colors, another person may define it as screens with a logical structure.

Besides being vague, business jargon obscures the benefits of your product or service. In a moment, I’ll show you how to turn business jargon into an advantage. But first I want to tell you about the article that sparked the idea for this Monthly Makeover.

Overused Business Jargon to Avoid

David Meerman Scott wrote an article (“Cutting-Edge, Mission-Critical Analysis: Steps to Avoiding Overused Gobbledygook” for MarketingProfs.com) that provides a list of gobbledygook phrases overused in press releases:

Some of these words are just nonsensical bragging and should be dispensed with altogether (“best of breed,” “world class”). As for the rest of them, the trick is to catch yourself when you use them – then employ them to clarify what you can offer your clients.

Turn Blah into Benefits

When you write a gobbledygook word or phrase, ask yourself, “What do I really mean by this?” Jot down the thoughts that come to mind. For example, if you wrote this:

“EZWebShop provides the most up-to-date and user-friendly online shopping experience and e-commerce tools available.”

… you might write …

“User-friendly because the screens are simple with not too many fields, which means you can fill them out faster, which means you can get your Web site up faster, which means you can start selling and making money faster.”

Bingo! You just uncovered a benefit: “you can start selling and making money faster”

Now rewrite and incorporate that into your text:

“EZWebShop provides e-commerce tools that are simple to use, which means you’ll get your Web site up faster and start selling sooner than you expected.”

Do you see how that works? Take a moment to dig past the bland, vague business jargon, and you might be surprised to find what shines through.

Part 1 – To Write More Clearly, First Focus on the Words. Whenever possible, substitute multisyllabic words for shorter words.

Part 2 – The Art of Writing One-Breath Sentences. Break up long sentences into shorter ones.

Part 3 – Long Paragraphs: The Scourge of Tired Eyes. Break up long paragraphs into shorter ones to increase white space and reader’s attention span.

If you’ve followed the previous three suggestions as much as possible, then your writing should fall between an 8^th grade and 11^th grade reading level.

I often see recommendations that the reading level should be below the 8^th grade level. That’s fine for writing to general audiences, but if you write about technology, it’s difficult to stay below the 8^th grade level. Remember that this isn’t a hard-and-fast rule – you’ll need to adjust it according to the subject matter and your audience.

How to Run a Reading Level Check

If you use Microsoft Word® for your word-processing program, a quick way to check the reading level of your writing is to make sure that Word displays the reading level after a spell check. (You are running a spell check, aren’t you?)

To do this, make the following selections in Word:

Tools | Options | Spelling & Grammar | Show readability stats checkbox

How Word Calculates Reading Level

Microsoft Word calculates reading levels with formulas that use the “average number of syllables per word” and “average sentence length.” The fewer syllables the words have and the shorter the sentences, the lower your reading level score. By being aware of this basic scoring formula, you can make changes in your writing to lower the reading level.

Here’s an example:

Remember, reading should feel effortless for your prospects and clients. If you communicate your point clearly and simply, you’ll set your company apart from your competitors. And the next time a prospect needs your service or products, your company will be the first one they think of.

I hope this information was helpful. If you enjoyed reading it, please consider passing it on to a friend or colleague.